


From The Inbox of Ninomiya Kazunari - To Aiba Masaki's

by calerine



Category: Arashi (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Gen, Snakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:03:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2807003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calerine/pseuds/calerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoko and Aiba are stuck in Canada with a bathtub full of snakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From The Inbox of Ninomiya Kazunari - To Aiba Masaki's

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bysine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bysine/gifts).
  * Inspired by [From the Inbox of Ninomiya Kazunari, Senior Associate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2722688) by [bysine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bysine/pseuds/bysine). 



> I played in H's [From the Case Files](http://bysine.livejournal.com/32098.html) sandbox.

  
It’s really  _REALLY_  cold in Canada.  
  
Yoko snaps at Aiba whenever he says that, gripping that he’s stating the obvious and that’s not going to get them out of frozen hell. But here the winds bite into Aiba’s cheeks like razorblades  _and_  they’ve got two dozen snakes to attend to. In situations like these, facts bear repeating, otherwise there’s not much else to do.  
  
It’s a work trip gone horribly wrong - or horribly right, as Aiba likes to think. They’ve saved two dozen endangered snakes from certain death and kept the entire situation hush-hush. It’s all in a day’s work but now they’re surrounded by snow and no means to get home.  
  
At least they’ve got a motel room to return to when the snakes get too wriggly and Yoko starts threatening to burn them all alive so they won’t need to think about rehoming ‘ _these slippery fuckers_ ’. He’s just calls them that because Hina-chan - the Seychelles House Snake, not the human - had found its way into his bed one night and curled up comfortably around Yoko’s right calf until he’d woken up the entire building screaming. Then Aiba had crawled out of bed and by lamplight, eased Hina-chan away while Yoko attempted to punch him. Yo-kun is not very good at snakes, plus he wasn’t convinced when Aiba told him that Seychelles House Snakes aren’t poisonous and Hina-chan was probably only trying to give him some love seeing how he's endangered and his entire family was dead. (Yoko had yelled “SO HE THINKS I’M A SNAKE?!” horrifiedly and that hadn’t been helpful at all.)  
  
Their luggages had been taken as collateral after that. (“Hostages”, Aiba’s brain supplies helpfully.) Yoko had only deciphered that after they arrived back to an empty room and he had had a ten-minute conversation with the manager. The words ‘snakes’ and ‘NO’ had been mentioned a lot; Yoko’s expression said as much.  
  
So that left them possession-less and stuck in Winnipeg in its coldest months. Okada’s always talking about how they should learn to live with less but somehow Aiba doesn’t think he meant stranded on the other side of the world like homeless people with a bathtub of endangered snakes.  
  
Currently, the count stands at twenty-three after Ohno escaped into the wild. Aiba had chased him until the edge of the forest near their motel. The snow made it hard to sprint. At that point, Ohno’d turned around and hissed so menacingly that Aiba was at a loss for Comforting Snake Things to say. So he let him get away; Ohno did seem like a lone snake sort anyway. If there was a captive snake that could survive in the wild, it was probably Ohno.  
  
Everyday, Yoko says that they should have left the snakes with the smuggling ring. Aiba is tired of imagining darling Yuu and Yuko languishing in the jar in a Chinese shop as medicine.  
  
The problem is (well, the one apart from the general snake situation and the fact that their dwindling funds have forced them to subsist on a diet of Shreddies and Jos Louises) is that neither Aiba nor Yoko can remember how to spell _Tempest_  the English way. Changing their SIM cards over to their Canadian ones had somehow wiped out both their contact lists and Nino’s address is the only one that Aiba remembers off the top of his head. He knew all those lunch-time mails he’s sent, while waiting for his order at the udon place round the corner, would come in handy. He’s sent countless ones discussing Ohno-kun’s weekend fishing score, the number of people who’s mistaken Ryo’s for an idol and updating Nino on their meeting times. Nino has only replied a handful of times but he’s always there for their meetings so Aiba reckons he’s read all of them.  
  
But the fact remains that he can type in ninomiya@sakamotopartners.co.jp with his eyes closed but even on three cups of coffee, cannot remember the right way to spell Tempest. They try tenpasuto, tempasuto, tapesto, temposto, tempura (Aiba had been hungry), tepasuto, tenpesuto, and infinite other variations but after a while, they’re just sending emails into the abyss.  
  
So Aiba emails Nino, trying not to sound too much like his and Yoko’s continual existence hinge on Nino getting some help, or basically Matsujun. He keeps things casual and cool and perhaps it is a mistake because nobody comes to save them.  
  
In the meantime, Nino the Yellow Snake escapes, then constricts and devours Ryo before Aiba manages to catch him. Yoko spends two whole hours cracking up at the irony of it while Aiba tries to feed Nino convenience store snacks to keep him from eating anyone else.  
  
Aiba decides that snakes are actually really terrifying and he misses Japanese food a lot. His dreams have been in the format of surreal variety food shows lately; Ohno saying DELICIOUS to absolutely anything and a panel of judges who rate the validity of his exclamations. Also, Aiba dreams in particular that Jun treats the company to yakiniku, and he and Sho have a competition to see how many takoyaki balls they can fit into a single mouthful. No one wins but he wakes up really hungry and annoyed.  
  
Now they’re both utterly desperate when Matsujun calls. Yoko is on one of long walks; he says the cold makes him forget the gnawing hunger. Aiba very nearly falls over with the weight of his relief and shock. Over the phone, Matsujun sounds tinny tiny and Aiba pictures him pacing in his modern office with his Serious Director Face on, trying to get them both home. His heart warms immeasurably.  
  
So it’s not an exaggeration when Aiba next says Matsujun is magical. He buys them two tickets on the next day’s first flight home; Aiba hasn’t seen Yoko smile so much in two weeks. From Japan, he arranges for the snakes to be rehomed in animal sanctuaries and reserves in their home countries. Collection is bittersweet; Hina-chan escapes to wind around Aiba’s leg in a snakey hug before they leave. In the midst of the ensuing chaos, Aiba thinks he feels its gentle squeeze of affection, but he’s also not sure how Seychelle House Snakes hunt prey so Hina-chan might have been trying to kill him.  
  
Just before he turns off his phone to board the plane, he gets an email. It’s from Nino, containing two pictures. The first is of [a flyer with Nagano-kun’s face](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff187/orangespots2/wine_zps6d31e7b4.png) on it; he looks particularly handsome in it. The second is Nino posing with wine and cheese and the caption  _YOU’RE MISSING OUT SUCKERRRRRRR_


End file.
